'It Takes a Village to Fail a Child' - 5 Take Homes for Christians from Netflix's Adolescence
Netflix’s latest four-part drama, Adolescence, has been making waves this past week - and it isn’t easy viewing. Intense, gut-wrenching, and profoundly disturbing— and all the more so because it mirrors a troubling reality in our society today. Writer and lead actor Stephen Graham has said as much:
"We wanted to put a mirror up to society and just say take a little look and see what's going on."
A Dark Reflection We Can't Ignore
And, sadly, the reflection isn’t flattering: toxic masculinity in young boys, the dark influence of the internet, and our shared failed responsibility as communities to raise our children. In this case, all playing a harrowing role in the tragic descent of a teenage boy now accused of stabbing to death a female classmate. So how, as Christians, might we respond to what we've seen?
If you haven't caught wind of it, Adolescence introduces us to the story of 13 year-old Jamie (Owen Cooper), who on the surface seems to come from a normal, caring home. He isn't growing up in poverty or in an abusive household. His parents love him, and he has a seemingly stable upbringing. And yet episode 1 opens with an early morning police raid on the family home as he finds himself charged with murder of his classmate, Katie.
Cinematic Brilliance, Emotional Devastation
By the way, the acting, writing and production in Adolescence is incredible. The Guardian called it “the closest thing to TV perfection in decades.” Made up of four hour-long episodes, each one is a stunning continuous single-camera take, giving a raw unflinching snapshot of the family's life, over the minutes, then days, then months after the arrest. As one reviewer put it, it's as if we're "trapped in the family's own nightmare". The impressive method makes an already heavy narrative even more relentless and overwhelming.
As time passes, we discover Jamie has quietly become radicalized by misogynistic online forums that distort his perception of masculinity, identity, and worth. It’s a chilling depiction of how easily young minds can be influenced by unseen forces, but Jamie's family, broken with grief, failure and unbelief, find themselves asking questions of their own part in this horror. How has such monstrous terror been stirring within the four walls of their own home - without their knowledge?
So where do we go from here? Here are five ways Christians can thoughtfully respond to the sobering challenges Adolescence raises...
1. Embrace Lament
Adolescence is unbearably sad. One friend told me they had to stop half-way through the first episode because they were so cut up. It was the scene in episode 1 when young Jamie is being left alone in a police cell that especially did it. His dad, exceptionally acted by Graham, is getting disproportionately frustrated that Jamie hasn't eaten the custody breakfast. We observe that he doesn't even hug his son as he walks out. The gaping chasm between them is brutal; this vulnerable kid seems desperate for love, yet is entirely alone. But that's just one moment of many that leaves you aching for things to not be as they are.
Of course, the brutal murder of Katie shadows the whole show, though her life has been taken before episode 1 begins. The final episode finishes with an emotional rendition of the song 'Through the Eyes of a Child' in the background, and Graham has revealed it was fittingly sung by Emilia Holliday, who actually plays Katie. In other words, she is not to be forgotten. As Graham says, "Her presence is always there." And so, therefore, are the 18 teenage girls who were killed as victims of homicide in England & Wales last year, or the 3 women killed in the UK every fortnight by a current or former partner. How long, O Lord?
And then there's mourning the tragic realities affecting today's youth displayed throughout the show. Boys and girls struggling with how to relate in a world of relentless online activity. Revenge porn. The inescapble metrics of social media 'likes' and comments. Cyberbullying. Hapless schooling that is more warzone than classroom. Incel culture and toxic misogyny. Come, Lord Jesus.
From a Christian perspective, the first response to such a 'mirror' must begin with lament—holding a deep sorrow that acknowledges the brokenness of our world that Adolescence exposes. But the 'liberty' of lament is that we can bring this to God. Like the writer of Lamentations in the Old Testament, we can 'let our tears flow like a river, day and night... pour out your hearts like water in the presence of the Lord' (2:18-19). We don't need to live in denial or emotionally disengage, because nothing is too big or messy or raw to bring to the Creator of the heavens and the earth, who stepped into our neighbourhood as the Man of Sorrows.
2. Reflect Honestly on Our Roles
In his media work this week, co-writer and actor Stephen Graham has been citing the old proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child." Simply put, he wants us to see we're all accountable. That's because as we watch Jamie’s tragic story unfold, we see the reverse is also true—it takes a village to fail a child. And this means acknowledging that parents, teachers, churches, and communities all have roles in shaping or neglecting young hearts and minds.
As a parent of pre-teen boys and girls, my peers & I are navigating those tricky conversations and decisions around online activity and smartphones. And to be frank, I think lots of us would say we feel helpless. The narrative often goes like this: 'My kid wants a phone because their friends all have one, so I can't not get them one. I don't want them left out.' Adolescence co-writer Jack Thorne has even articulated this same dilemma. But is that truly taking responsibility, or is it settling for the path of least resistance?
I wonder if a similar tendency can be to simply bemoan 'the internet', or lay the blame on a lack of online regulation. Yes, of course there's a place for campaigning against those in authority - and Graham would certainly want the Government and social media companies to know they are responsible too. (Just this week, the Government blocked an amendment to force headteachers to stop the use and carrying of mobile phones in schools.) But, we can't point elsewhere in order to avoid having to make hard choices in our own homes and with our own kids.
The point in Adolescence is that Jamie’s 'transformation' doesn't happen in isolation. Though he was alone, he soon tragically found himself amongst others. As the Christian mantra goes, 'like it or not, we're all being discipled by something'. Whatever our role and place in the lives of young people, have we truly owned our part?
3. Have Difficult Conversations
Once we've accepted our place, Adolescence demands tough conversations. Thorne has particularly described how he wants the show to 'cause discussion and make change':
"I want it to be shown in schools, I want it to be shown in Parliament. It's crucial because this is only going to get worse.... It's something that people need to be talking about, hopefully that's what drama can do."
But at a time when cancel culture seems rife, this isn't straight-forward. We live in a moment when no one especially likes standing out, from parents to politicians. (I was glad to see the Table Talk podcast recently explore 'Are modern men in crisis?').
But maybe things are even changing when it comes to parenting and masculinity Back in 2023 Oscar-winning actor Kate Winslet called on parents to realise that when it comes to smartphones, "it's possible to just say 'no'."
Since then, Jonathan Haidt's best-seller The Anxious Generation seems to be waking a generation of parents from our slumber around smartphones. His premise is that the overuse of smartphones is a major driver in the horrific rise of adolescent anxiety, depression, and mental health struggles, particularly amongst girls in Gen Z. When you've got someone like Bill Gates calling Haidt's work 'a must-read for anyone raising, working with, or teaching young people today', then it's worth taking seriously. Alongside it, the Smartphone-Free Childhood movement is a grassroots initiative quietly gaining global traction and helping parents embed the same principles.
But it's also important to underline that parenting begins with presence, rather than conversations. And to be honest, maybe some of us need to realise we can't be truly present if we're always glued to a screen ourselves. When children feel they are seen, known and valued, then connection is built.
4. Model True Masculinity
Many of the media discussions around Adolescence have noted how the show exposes the disastrous effects of toxic masculinity, while also highlighting the complex web of factors that have shaped it. Jamie is not a monster in a vacuum—his anger, self-centredness, and detachment have been cultivated somewhere. Rather then being a Whodunnit?, the show subtly asks: How did this happen?
We see this come to the fore in episode three, where independent psychologist Briony (played masterfully by Erin Doherty) interviews Jamie after he has been charged with murder. The one-take format makes this scene particularly raw. Cooper’s performance is chilling, especially as we see Jamie’s aggression emerge. There’s an evident entitlement in his posture, a toxic sense of superiority that has been shaped—at least in part—by the dark corners of the internet.
As it happens, this past week also saw former England football manager Sir Gareth Southgate deliver the BBC’s annual Richard Dimbleby Lecture, where he specifically addressed the growing crisis of disconnected young men and the absence of mentoring:
"Young men end up withdrawing, reluctant to talk or express their emotions... they spend more time online searching for direction and are falling into unhealthy alternatives like gaming, gambling and pornography."
Southgate deserves credit for naming pornography, something many public figures avoid. Adolescence implies that online porn has shaped Jamie’s distorted view of women, and the data supports this. A Children's Commisioner survey from 2023 found that the average age for a child to first see porn is 13—the same for both boys and girls. Shockingly, 10% have seen it by age 9, and 79% have encountered violent porn before turning 18. Another British survey found that 1 in 10 boys aged 14-18 say they are 'addicted' to porn, and 1 in 5 say they have a 'porn habit'.
This matters. If boys are learning about relationships, intimacy, and sex through violent, degrading content, then what kind of men are we forming? This is why ministries like Naked Truth Project are vital—not just in helping those trapped in addiction, but in shaping a healthier vision of sexuality and manhood.
A recent Centre for Social Justice report, 'Lost Boys - State of the Nation', alerts us to the reality that British boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad. Of course, back in Adolescence, Jamie's dad is present in the family home, yet he still seems at a loss to prevent his son's spiral of isolation. But publicising the report, former MP Miriam Cates argued that rather than write men off as toxic, or see masculinity as a problem to be solved, instead we need to find ways to provide boys and young men with the guidance, discipline, and purpose they need to thrive. Examples like the RISE Leadership Academy in Battersea, established by Rev Dr Jason Roach, would seem to be leading the way in providing such support, a vision for responsibility that avoids the pitfalls of hyper-masculine bravado or passive disengagement.
Perhaps debates around gender roles in the Church or wider cultural pressures have made Christians hesitant to engage with masculinity and femininity. But Adolescence makes it clear—we can’t afford to stay silent. If we offer no model of masculinity, others will—and the ones online are failing.
If we want young men to reject toxic narratives, we must point them to Jesus. He is the Lion and the Lamb—strong enough to confront injustice and face the cross, yet tender enough to weep with the grieving and lift the outcast. He protects, serves, and leads with integrity, showing that true masculinity is self-giving love.
So let’s invest in mentoring, intergenerational relationships, and real friendships—creating spaces where young men can wrestle with tough questions and be met with grace. If they’re searching for meaning, the gospel offers something far greater than the shallow masculinity of the internet. Our role is not just to condemn broken narratives but to live out a better one—found in Jesus.
5. Offer Real Hope in the Gospel through Christ's Church
It is easy to watch Adolescence and sink into despair. The brokenness it reveals is real; the statistics and narratives around young male isolation, pornography use, and online radicalization are rightly alarming. We might be a parent feeling bleak about our own parenting and the world that awaits our kids, or we might be any other mourning member of this cracked and broken society. But as Christians, our lament is not without hope.
The good news of Jesus Christ offers something that neither secular policies nor well-intentioned activism can: real transformation. Jesus didn’t come just to expose darkness—He came to overcome it. He stepped into our brokenness, offering redemption for the lost, healing for the hurting, and a new identity for those who feel abandoned and unseen. He is not phased by the murkiest corners of our hearts and he pours out his Spirit, by which the fatherless can cry, 'Abba, Father' and find a true home.
And though it might often leave us shaking our heads, Jesus left the world his Spirit-filled Church. We cannot simply critique culture from the sidelines; we must be a community of transformation. So do we have a vision for Christian community as a place where young men can find belonging, where fathers mentor sons and older men invest in the younger, and where boys grow up knowing they are loved, valued, and called to a greater purpose?
Adolescence holds a painful mirror before us, one we cannot afford to ignore. But while the reflection is sobering, it isn’t final. Jamie and Katie's story is a tragic one, but there's another Story which we're all invited to find our place in. Through lament, honest reflection, difficult conversations, authentic community, and Christ-centered hope, God can transform a narrative from despair into redemption.
It’s not too late to redeem the village and raise, rather than fail, our children.